Thursday, July 29, 2004

Easily Amused - Fun with Politics

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Political Fun

Dancing Bush - http://www.dancingbush.com/

Bush or Chimp? - http://www.bushorchimp.com/

John Kerry is a Douchebag but I’m Voting for Him Anyway -

http://www.johnkerryisadouchebagbutimvotingforhimanyway.com/

Kerry Sloganator - http://kerrysloganator.com/

This Land is Your Land Parody - http://www.jibjab.com

Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Easily Amused - Get Animated

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Get Animated

Badger Badger Badger - http://www.badgerbadgerbadger.com/

It’s just a bunch of dancing badgers in a field with a mushroom and an evil snake, yet it is oddly hypnotic. Check out their Lord of the Rings Special Edition for more badger fun.

The Hampster Dance - http://www.hampsterdance.com/

These cute little hampsters have been dancing the night away since 1997.

Rather Good - http://www.rathergood.com/

This site boasts a whole slew of odd yet quite entertaining musical animations. Don’t miss “We Like The Moon” (http://www.rathergood.com/moon_song/) or Pavarotti’s ode to elephants (http://www.rathergood.com/elephants/).

Mr. Peg - http://www.mrandmrswheatley.co.uk/mrpeg.html

Sing with me now: “The original man, made out of pegs, pegs for arms, pegs for legs, fancy that! A peg for a hat...”

Ding Fries Are Done - http://www.americanangst.com/dingfries.html

It's everyone’s favorite politically-incorrect Christmas song!

Tuesday, July 20, 2004

Easily Amused - Random Generation

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - The Random Generation

The dissTron - http://www.disstron.com/

Includes such snappy comebacks as “My friend told me you do the chili dog with Phil Donahue!”

Jimmyco Random Fortune Cookie Generator - http://www.jimmyco.net/cookie.html

Includes such optimistic fortunes as “You will drown in a canal.”

The Death Clock - http://www.deathclock.com/

Just in case the dying-in-a-canal fortune wasn’t depressing enough, the Death Clock will pinpoint the exact date of that fatal occurrence (as a friendly reminder that time is running out).

The Louis Farrakhan African Name Generator - http://www.fadetoblack.com/namegenerator/?

I have thrown away the white man’s name of Christina Brzustoski and will be known from this day forth as Zuwadza!

The Surrealist Compliment Generator - http://www.madsci.org/cgi-bin/cgiwrap/~lynn/jardin/SCG/

When you just can’t think of what to say to compliment your mate, you could always try one from this site, such as “You mutter such objects of equine delight, while in a basket of hounds and toes, that the mind's ability to sew together slices of mordant ivory becomes tamed with visions of Tamils in Constantinople.”

Friday, July 16, 2004

Easily Amused - Disgruntled Workers of the World Unite

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.



This week's theme: Disgruntled Workers of the World Unite!

Customers Suck! The Customer is Never Right - http://customerssuck.com/

A great venting site for any worker who has ever had contact with the general public, Customers Suck has lists of customers’ stupidest questions (“Do you take cash?”) and 67 pages of reasons why they actually suck.

Internet Squeegee Guy - http://www.website1.com/squeegee/

It’s a guy with a squeegee on the Information Superhighway - do you let him clean your monitor or tell him to get lost? A question that has plagued netizens since 1995...

Bitterwaitress - http://www.bitterwaitress.com/

The highlight of Bitterwaitress is its STD, i.e., shitty tippers database. Don’t worry if your name and embarrassingly small tip shows up on their list, there’s a special “submit an apology” feature as well.

Demotivators from Despair.com - http://www.demotivators.com/

For those who are eternally irritated by sappy and trite motivational posters, Depair.com offers the more realistic Demotivator. Example - a pretty picture of french fries reminds us that “Not everyone gets to be an astronaut when they grow up.”

Thursday, July 15, 2004

Easily Amused - Lost in Translation

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Lost in Translation

The Bible in Pig Latin - http://www.museumofconceptualart.com/ible-bay.html

You can hear the collective cheer of Pig Latin speakers across the globe now that the Holy Book is available in this elegant tongue.

Kiss This Guy: The Archive of Misheard Lyrics - http://www.kissthisguy.com/

Taken from the famous Jimi Hendrix mondegreen “‘Scuse me while I kiss this guy,” this site is a funny compendium of similarly misunderstood song lyrics.

Engrish - http://www.engrish.com

A hilarious and often surreal look at Japan’s misuse of the English language, from “No Smorking” signs to “Miss Urine Tester USA” t-shirts.

The Dialectizer - http://rinkworks.com/dialect/

Just type in a phrase and watch “Hello, how are you” dialectize into Swedish Chef as “Hellu, hoo ere-a yuoo.” Other dialects include Jive, Redneck and Elmer Fudd.

Monday, July 5, 2004

Easily Amused - Evil On-line

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Evil On-line

Bert is Evil - http://www.bertisevil.tv/

Who would have thought that Ernie’s grouchy yet lovable, er, companion was responsible for every major scandal and dire event of the last 50 years, from the JFK assassination to the death of Sesame Streets beloved Mr. Hooper? This documentary evidence will make you believe. (Warning: site contains mature content)

David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ - http://www.esquilax.com/baywatch/index.shtml

Not quite as far-fetched as the evil muppet one, but still funny.

The Bushy-Tailed Rat - http://www.geocities.com/nickedemis/

This site seeks to warn others of the Evil Squirrel Conspiracy. And if you think this is a lone weirdo, then http://www.student.smsu.edu/j/jmw894s/Opinions/squirrel10.htm and http://www.anti-squirrel.com should prove that this is hardly an isolated phenomenon.

The Dark Side of the Scooby Gang - http://www.cdc.net/~drjekyll/scooby/darkside/

The errors and plot holes of classic Scooby episodes led one webmaster to believe that such shenanigans could only be caused by the Nega-Scooby Gang, the nefarious dopplegängers of our beloved Mystery Inc. Jinkies! (Note that Scrappy Doo is, naturally, a member of the Nega team.)

Beware the Grease-Painted Ones - http://www.clownz.com/index.html

Just more proof that clowns are truly evil.

Thursday, July 1, 2004

Easily Amused - Virtual Insanity

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Virtual Insanity

Virtual Bubblewrap - http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

Here’s a page dedicated to this particularly addictive activity. Pop one bubble at a time or go into “manic mode” for mega-popping action.

Take a Virtual Smoke Break - http://www.lottridge.com/LOTTS/SMOKEBREAK/default.htm

For the smoker who doesn’t have time for a quick break or those simply craving a cigarette without all the harmful side effects, this is the next best thing.

A Day in the Life of a McDonald’s Employee - http://www.conceptlab.com/simulator/

The Simulator is a rather bleak look at the banality of the fast-food worker’s existence. Think “Choose Your Own Adventure” but without the adventure part.

The Virtual Stapler - http://www.virtualstapler.com/

When you just can’t get enough of that fun stapling action, the Virtual Stapler allows you to choose from three different staplers to get your fix. The site also offers Stapler poetry (in limerick and haiku format) as well as a photo gallery.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Pulp Syndicate - Fantasy Worlds

"You wish to see the distant realms? Very well. But know this first, the places you will visit, the places you will see, do not exist. For there are only two worlds — your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this one, worlds of the human imagination. Their reality, or lack of reality is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power, provide refuge and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus they are all that matters. Do you understand?"

~ Neil Gaiman

The popularity of fantasy fiction in a troubled world is hardly a new phenomenon. The Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Chronicles of Narnia were published in the 1950s, when the horrors of World War II were a not-so-distant memory. And while we have a young wizard named Harry to thank for the renaissance of this genre, the disturbing times in which we live have undoubtedly increased the fantasy tale’s allure and its relevancy. The desire to escape into a world filled with magic and wonder is quite natural at a time when the beheading of innocents makes the nightly news on an ever-increasing basis.

Yet for all the mystical adventures and flights of fancy, it is the classic battle between good and evil that remains the heart of fantasy stories, both old and new. The Dark Lords are always vanquished by brave, pure-of-heart champions. Perhaps it is the comfort in knowing that our hero – be it Luke, Harry, or Frodo – will overcome the forces of darkness despite impossible odds when, in our bleak reality (e.g., the Middle East quagmire), such triumphs are never guaranteed. Part of the fantasy yarn’s appeal is that these battles inspire us to dream of a better world. A speech that Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, gives at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire following the return of the evil Lord Voldemort (the Osama bin Laden of the wizarding world) is particularly resonant in a post-9/11 landscape. “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided... Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.” This speech seems more at place in a presidential address to the nation than in a mere children’s book. But certainly fantasy’s charm lies in its childlike nature. Our collective enchantment with these tales could simply be because Harry, Gandalf and their ilk are just a whole lotta fun.

So whether you’re looking for a creative interpretation of the conflicts that currently plague the world or a quick fanciful escape from the mundaneness of everyday life or are simply killing time in the seemingly interminable wait for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, there are more than a few new fantasy fics to meet your needs. These books owe much to their fanciful predecessors, from Professor Tolkien to George Lucas. At their best, they are quite unique and interesting tales that add to the pantheon of classic fantasy literature, while at the very least, they provide several hours of entertaining escapism.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

Miramax Kids, May 2001 for Book One, May 2003 for the most recent Eternity Code

Cultural Antecedents: British fairy lore, James Bond movies

The Conflict: An inventive twist on old English “fairy” tales, a young criminal mastermind starts a war with the subterranean fairy world after kidnapping one of their kind. The Lower Elements Police reconnaissance (better known as the clever acronym LEPrecon)is the fairy army that lays siege to Fowl’s manor to get the captive back. Unlike the modern world, where captors apparently encourage the brutal torture and/or sexual humiliation of their prisoners, this conflict is a more intelligent and humane battle of wits. As Artemis anticipates his enemy’s next move (utilizing a variety of his own invented technologies a lá 007), the fairies must decide whether to unleash a vicious, unruly troll to save their comrade.

Fun Factor:

Although Fowl was initially viewed as a Potter knock-off, there are actually few similarities between the Hogwarts student and the young Bond-esque Artemis. Certainly the most differential (and intriguing) thing about Fowl is his dual role as evil villain and sad child who longs for nothing more than the love of his parents. Add that drama to lots of clever allusions to old fairy myths and Artemis makes for an enjoyable and original read.

Eragon: Inheritance, Book One by Christopher Paolini

Knopf, August 2003

Cultural Predecessors: Star Wars, Tolkien

The Conflict: In true Luke Skywalker fashion, young Eragon sets off with mentor Obi-, er, that is, Brom and Saphira the Dragon to seek revenge on the evil empire that murdered his uncle. Following this tragedy, Eragon laments that he will never have the peaceful home life he once imagined for himself. Anyone who watched the events of 9/11 unfold certainly shared that feeling of shattered security and the sense that the world had been irreversibly changed. On his journey, Eragon discovers that he is the “Chosen One,” the last of the Dragon-Riders (an ancient mystical order like Jedi but with telepathic dragons instead of lightsabers).

Fun Factor: While a bit short on originality, Paolini has cobbled together a pretty entertaining little story, especially considering he was a mere 15 years old at its inception. Anyone who has ever played a computer fantasy-role-playing game (or watched Star Wars) may feel a bit of deja vu. There are elfin princesses in need of rescue, new acquaintances who may be friend or foe, and lots of skirmishes with the minions of a malevolent empire. But by the final pages, Paolini manages to win over his readers and leave them counting down to the release of Eldest, the next installment of the Inheritance Trilogy.

Shadowmancer by J.P. Taylor

Putnam Publishing Group, April 2004

Cultural Predecessors: Arthurian legend, the Bible, C.S. Lewis, Dostoevsky’s Grand Inquisitor

The Conflict: A nefarious 18th century vicar, Obadiah Demurral, plots to overthrow Riothamus (aka God - although “Riomathus” is actually another name for King Arthur) with a powerful magical artifact, the Keruvim. African healer Raphah, who is basically a human incarnation of Narnia’s Christ-figure Aslan the Lion, endeavors to stop him with the help of two rather forgettable children and a callous bandit. While Demurral’s contemporaries are shocked to discover that a “man of God” could be so corrupt, the current scandals of the Catholic Church are more than enough to suspend a reader’s disbelief in a less-than-holy priest. The Church’s desire for power and control over its believers, a topic discussed from the time of Dostoevsky up to the current DaVinci Code craze, is personified by Demurral and his crusade to topple what he views as an ambivalent, uncaring divinity.

Fun Factor: There’s not much “fun” to be had in this dark, religious parable masquerading as a fantasy tale but there is lots of the atmospheric creepiness that comes with the threat of apocalypse. However, it is not the spiritual aspect that detracts from the story itself, rather it is the characterization that makes Shadowmancer fall just slightly flat. Demurral is an over-the-top, almost-cartoonish villain and the child heroes are stale and unsympathetic. Only the pirate Jacob Crane is somewhat memorable but mostly because his agnosticism and ruthlessness evoke visions of another roguish smuggler from a certain galaxy far, far away.

The Amulet of Samarkand: The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Book One by Jonathan Stroud

Miramax Kids, September 2003

Cultural Predecessors: Arabian Nights, Harry Potter (only for the whole British boy wizard thing)

The Battle: After being humiliated by an upstart magician, Simon Lovelace, the wizard apprentice Nathaniel plots his revenge with the help of a powerful and barely controllable djinni. For all its wizards, djinn and minor imps, Stroud’s tale is actually quite rooted in reality with its political machination subplot. If you think the Bush-Kerry rivalry has gone too far, in Bartimaeus’s Machiavellian, wizard-controlled world, Lovelace seeks to consolidate his political power by literally destroying his opponents with the help of the eponymous amulet - unless Nathaniel and Bartimaeus can stop him.

Fun Factor: Who knew footnotes could be so much fun? Bartimaeus is an ancient djinni with a wicked sense of humor and a penchant for using entertaining annotations to convey his digressions in thought, to further explain some aspect of the magical world or just to share his always amusing opinions. When describing modern technology, the five-thousand year old bemoans that they “carry so much of the human about them that they afflict our essence...It’s probably some sort of allergy.” This unique voice (Amulet switches back and forth from the djinni’s first-person perspective and the third-person observer) makes Bartimaeus one of the most engrossing, delightful fantasy adventures since we first heard about a boy wizard with a lightning-shaped scar.