Monday, July 5, 2004

Easily Amused - Evil On-line

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Evil On-line

Bert is Evil - http://www.bertisevil.tv/

Who would have thought that Ernie’s grouchy yet lovable, er, companion was responsible for every major scandal and dire event of the last 50 years, from the JFK assassination to the death of Sesame Streets beloved Mr. Hooper? This documentary evidence will make you believe. (Warning: site contains mature content)

David Hasselhoff is the Anti-Christ - http://www.esquilax.com/baywatch/index.shtml

Not quite as far-fetched as the evil muppet one, but still funny.

The Bushy-Tailed Rat - http://www.geocities.com/nickedemis/

This site seeks to warn others of the Evil Squirrel Conspiracy. And if you think this is a lone weirdo, then http://www.student.smsu.edu/j/jmw894s/Opinions/squirrel10.htm and http://www.anti-squirrel.com should prove that this is hardly an isolated phenomenon.

The Dark Side of the Scooby Gang - http://www.cdc.net/~drjekyll/scooby/darkside/

The errors and plot holes of classic Scooby episodes led one webmaster to believe that such shenanigans could only be caused by the Nega-Scooby Gang, the nefarious dopplegängers of our beloved Mystery Inc. Jinkies! (Note that Scrappy Doo is, naturally, a member of the Nega team.)

Beware the Grease-Painted Ones - http://www.clownz.com/index.html

Just more proof that clowns are truly evil.

Thursday, July 1, 2004

Easily Amused - Virtual Insanity

For every truly useful and informative web site, there must be an equally trivial and frivolous one. This is the yin and yang of the internet universe. But just because a web site is devoted to bubble wrap doesn’t mean it is any less important than a page dedicated to ending world hunger, does it? Well, alright, it probably does. But it is this heterogeneity that gives the internet a vitality and uniqueness that is unparalleled in any other media. This column is dedicated to these mindlessly fun, sometimes intriguing web sites.

This Week’s Theme - Virtual Insanity

Virtual Bubblewrap - http://www.virtual-bubblewrap.com/popnow.shtml

Here’s a page dedicated to this particularly addictive activity. Pop one bubble at a time or go into “manic mode” for mega-popping action.

Take a Virtual Smoke Break - http://www.lottridge.com/LOTTS/SMOKEBREAK/default.htm

For the smoker who doesn’t have time for a quick break or those simply craving a cigarette without all the harmful side effects, this is the next best thing.

A Day in the Life of a McDonald’s Employee - http://www.conceptlab.com/simulator/

The Simulator is a rather bleak look at the banality of the fast-food worker’s existence. Think “Choose Your Own Adventure” but without the adventure part.

The Virtual Stapler - http://www.virtualstapler.com/

When you just can’t get enough of that fun stapling action, the Virtual Stapler allows you to choose from three different staplers to get your fix. The site also offers Stapler poetry (in limerick and haiku format) as well as a photo gallery.

Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Pulp Syndicate - Fantasy Worlds

"You wish to see the distant realms? Very well. But know this first, the places you will visit, the places you will see, do not exist. For there are only two worlds — your world, which is the real world, and other worlds, the fantasy. Worlds like this one, worlds of the human imagination. Their reality, or lack of reality is not important. What is important is that they are there. These worlds provide an alternative. Provide an escape. Provide a threat. Provide a dream, and power, provide refuge and pain. They give your world meaning. They do not exist; and thus they are all that matters. Do you understand?"

~ Neil Gaiman

The popularity of fantasy fiction in a troubled world is hardly a new phenomenon. The Lord of the Rings trilogy and The Chronicles of Narnia were published in the 1950s, when the horrors of World War II were a not-so-distant memory. And while we have a young wizard named Harry to thank for the renaissance of this genre, the disturbing times in which we live have undoubtedly increased the fantasy tale’s allure and its relevancy. The desire to escape into a world filled with magic and wonder is quite natural at a time when the beheading of innocents makes the nightly news on an ever-increasing basis.

Yet for all the mystical adventures and flights of fancy, it is the classic battle between good and evil that remains the heart of fantasy stories, both old and new. The Dark Lords are always vanquished by brave, pure-of-heart champions. Perhaps it is the comfort in knowing that our hero – be it Luke, Harry, or Frodo – will overcome the forces of darkness despite impossible odds when, in our bleak reality (e.g., the Middle East quagmire), such triumphs are never guaranteed. Part of the fantasy yarn’s appeal is that these battles inspire us to dream of a better world. A speech that Albus Dumbledore, Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, gives at the end of Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire following the return of the evil Lord Voldemort (the Osama bin Laden of the wizarding world) is particularly resonant in a post-9/11 landscape. “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided... Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.” This speech seems more at place in a presidential address to the nation than in a mere children’s book. But certainly fantasy’s charm lies in its childlike nature. Our collective enchantment with these tales could simply be because Harry, Gandalf and their ilk are just a whole lotta fun.

So whether you’re looking for a creative interpretation of the conflicts that currently plague the world or a quick fanciful escape from the mundaneness of everyday life or are simply killing time in the seemingly interminable wait for Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince, there are more than a few new fantasy fics to meet your needs. These books owe much to their fanciful predecessors, from Professor Tolkien to George Lucas. At their best, they are quite unique and interesting tales that add to the pantheon of classic fantasy literature, while at the very least, they provide several hours of entertaining escapism.

Artemis Fowl by Eoin Colfer

Miramax Kids, May 2001 for Book One, May 2003 for the most recent Eternity Code

Cultural Antecedents: British fairy lore, James Bond movies

The Conflict: An inventive twist on old English “fairy” tales, a young criminal mastermind starts a war with the subterranean fairy world after kidnapping one of their kind. The Lower Elements Police reconnaissance (better known as the clever acronym LEPrecon)is the fairy army that lays siege to Fowl’s manor to get the captive back. Unlike the modern world, where captors apparently encourage the brutal torture and/or sexual humiliation of their prisoners, this conflict is a more intelligent and humane battle of wits. As Artemis anticipates his enemy’s next move (utilizing a variety of his own invented technologies a lá 007), the fairies must decide whether to unleash a vicious, unruly troll to save their comrade.

Fun Factor:

Although Fowl was initially viewed as a Potter knock-off, there are actually few similarities between the Hogwarts student and the young Bond-esque Artemis. Certainly the most differential (and intriguing) thing about Fowl is his dual role as evil villain and sad child who longs for nothing more than the love of his parents. Add that drama to lots of clever allusions to old fairy myths and Artemis makes for an enjoyable and original read.

Eragon: Inheritance, Book One by Christopher Paolini

Knopf, August 2003

Cultural Predecessors: Star Wars, Tolkien

The Conflict: In true Luke Skywalker fashion, young Eragon sets off with mentor Obi-, er, that is, Brom and Saphira the Dragon to seek revenge on the evil empire that murdered his uncle. Following this tragedy, Eragon laments that he will never have the peaceful home life he once imagined for himself. Anyone who watched the events of 9/11 unfold certainly shared that feeling of shattered security and the sense that the world had been irreversibly changed. On his journey, Eragon discovers that he is the “Chosen One,” the last of the Dragon-Riders (an ancient mystical order like Jedi but with telepathic dragons instead of lightsabers).

Fun Factor: While a bit short on originality, Paolini has cobbled together a pretty entertaining little story, especially considering he was a mere 15 years old at its inception. Anyone who has ever played a computer fantasy-role-playing game (or watched Star Wars) may feel a bit of deja vu. There are elfin princesses in need of rescue, new acquaintances who may be friend or foe, and lots of skirmishes with the minions of a malevolent empire. But by the final pages, Paolini manages to win over his readers and leave them counting down to the release of Eldest, the next installment of the Inheritance Trilogy.

Shadowmancer by J.P. Taylor

Putnam Publishing Group, April 2004

Cultural Predecessors: Arthurian legend, the Bible, C.S. Lewis, Dostoevsky’s Grand Inquisitor

The Conflict: A nefarious 18th century vicar, Obadiah Demurral, plots to overthrow Riothamus (aka God - although “Riomathus” is actually another name for King Arthur) with a powerful magical artifact, the Keruvim. African healer Raphah, who is basically a human incarnation of Narnia’s Christ-figure Aslan the Lion, endeavors to stop him with the help of two rather forgettable children and a callous bandit. While Demurral’s contemporaries are shocked to discover that a “man of God” could be so corrupt, the current scandals of the Catholic Church are more than enough to suspend a reader’s disbelief in a less-than-holy priest. The Church’s desire for power and control over its believers, a topic discussed from the time of Dostoevsky up to the current DaVinci Code craze, is personified by Demurral and his crusade to topple what he views as an ambivalent, uncaring divinity.

Fun Factor: There’s not much “fun” to be had in this dark, religious parable masquerading as a fantasy tale but there is lots of the atmospheric creepiness that comes with the threat of apocalypse. However, it is not the spiritual aspect that detracts from the story itself, rather it is the characterization that makes Shadowmancer fall just slightly flat. Demurral is an over-the-top, almost-cartoonish villain and the child heroes are stale and unsympathetic. Only the pirate Jacob Crane is somewhat memorable but mostly because his agnosticism and ruthlessness evoke visions of another roguish smuggler from a certain galaxy far, far away.

The Amulet of Samarkand: The Bartimaeus Trilogy, Book One by Jonathan Stroud

Miramax Kids, September 2003

Cultural Predecessors: Arabian Nights, Harry Potter (only for the whole British boy wizard thing)

The Battle: After being humiliated by an upstart magician, Simon Lovelace, the wizard apprentice Nathaniel plots his revenge with the help of a powerful and barely controllable djinni. For all its wizards, djinn and minor imps, Stroud’s tale is actually quite rooted in reality with its political machination subplot. If you think the Bush-Kerry rivalry has gone too far, in Bartimaeus’s Machiavellian, wizard-controlled world, Lovelace seeks to consolidate his political power by literally destroying his opponents with the help of the eponymous amulet - unless Nathaniel and Bartimaeus can stop him.

Fun Factor: Who knew footnotes could be so much fun? Bartimaeus is an ancient djinni with a wicked sense of humor and a penchant for using entertaining annotations to convey his digressions in thought, to further explain some aspect of the magical world or just to share his always amusing opinions. When describing modern technology, the five-thousand year old bemoans that they “carry so much of the human about them that they afflict our essence...It’s probably some sort of allergy.” This unique voice (Amulet switches back and forth from the djinni’s first-person perspective and the third-person observer) makes Bartimaeus one of the most engrossing, delightful fantasy adventures since we first heard about a boy wizard with a lightning-shaped scar.

Sunday, April 1, 2001

Toyfare Magazine - Vital Toys Orders Meat Loaf

Get set to go retro again, as Vital Toys unveils its second wave of figures from the campy classic The Rocky Horror Picture Show as well as several new projects.

The new line includes Rocky favorites like Susan Sarandon as Janet Weiss in her charming underclothes, Brad Majors and possibly a Meat Loaf figure.

“We’re working with Winterland to finish up the licensing deal to do Meat Loaf as Eddie from the movie,” a Vital Toys spokesman said. Eddie could be included in a two pack with Green Lab Coat Dr. Frank N. Furter while a Janet/Brad or Janet/Magenta two-pack is also planned.

Another 70s cult film, Cheech and Chong’s Up in Smoke, will be available as a two-pack in April, with Curtis the Pimp, Strawberry, and the Ajax Girl coming later on. Vital Toys and Tower Records are working together on some Cheech and Chong exclusives, as well as figures of based on the devil-girl stylings of pop artist Coop.

And from the world of the bizarre, the first figures of both pioneer new wavers Devo and Ripley’s Believe it or Not are also on the way. Devo is the first in a series of early ‘80s music artists, whose look is based on the classic “Whip It” music video. The Ripley’s figures will include the world’s tallest man as both an action figure and a life-sized inflatable, the Giraffe-necked woman, the 6-legged cow and a series of toy artifacts. The line’s packaging will reflect original cartoons and pictures that Ripley himself used to promote his fantastic findings.

Expect to find the Ripley’s line beginning in July, with new additions every other month.

[photo coming soon]

Thursday, March 1, 2001

Toyfare Magazine - Novel Gets Dark

What toy company could make products that vary from brawny spokesman Mr. Clean to anime favorite Sailor Moon? The answer is Novel Toy, Inc., a relatively new company founded by a pair of identical twins from Australia.

“My sister [Gayle] and I started the company at the beginning of the year,” said Novel Toy’s President Gillian Blakeney, “We took over the premises of another toy company before we began and we took a lot of the great staff with us.”

Specializing in toys and novelty items for both classic and cutting-edge books and TV shows, the L.A.-based toy company has already acquired almost a dozen toy licenses that include such kiddie-faves as the comic-strip cat Garfield, Nickelodeon’s Sponge Bob Squarepants and Blue’s Clues, Clifford and Hello Kitty. Novel Toy also produces a number of anime-related lines such as Sailor Moon, Card Captor Sakura, and Tenchi Muyo.

But perhaps the biggest news involving Novel Toy are the rumors that they have acquired the rights to the Fox’s hot sci-fi drama Dark Angel as well as pop sensation Pink. Unfortunately, further information was unavailable at press time. “It’s way too early to discuss Pink and Dark Angel,” Blakeney remarked. Stay tuned to ToyFare for more info.

[photo coming soon]

Thursday, February 1, 2001

Toyfare Magazine - McFarlane Does Kid Rock

Bawitaba! Detroit’s favorite Devil without a Cause, is set to become Todd McFarlane’s newest rock n’ roll action figure.

“[Kid Rock] stands for something to a certain crowd,” McFarlane told MTV regarding the decision to immortalize Kid Rock in plastic form. “They sort of rally behind him.”

The figure will come with his trademark pimp-daddy style of clothing – red and black fedoras, jeans, white tank top, and his “Good Ol’ Boy” belt buckle. While the inclusion of his pimp coat is still being ironed out, Kid Rock will also be packaged with what’s been termed a “peep-show girlie booth” to continue in the vein of Kid Rock’s pimp-and-stripper-related theme. Rock himself expressed interest in a removable hand with extended middle finger, despite the problems it may cause with retailers.“Maybe we’ll have to put a sticker over it that says, ‘Kiddies, don’t look behind this,’” McFarlane suggested.But Kid Rock is not McFarlane Toys’ only upcoming venture into the music world.Although still unconfirmed, other rockers who may see themselves as McFarlane creations in the near future include legendary Doors frontman Jim Morrison, metal gods Metallica and AC/DC, the Grateful Dead’s Jerry Garcia and MTV faves Limp Bizkit. “Those are still in negotiations,” according to McFarlane Toys Public Relations Manager Ken Reinstein.

Who says rock is dead?

Christina Brzustoski

[Sidebar]

Despite a host of music projects under consideration, McFarlane Toys hasn’t turned away from the world of film. McFarlane is currently working to get approval from various parties to make a slew of new movie-related products.

Adventure film buffs will appreciate McFarlane’s plans to produce not only the swashbuckling archeologist-hero Indiana Jones, but also Mel Gibson’s William Wallace (from Braveheart) and Gladiator’s Russell Crowe as the sword-wielding Roman soldier Maximus.

The pea soup-spewing Regan from The Exorcist and city-ravaging monster stars Godzilla and King Kong are also planned for the future.

And let’s not forget the psychotic lead characters from such landmark films as Taxi Driver and Pulp Fiction. We could soon see not only Robert De Niro’s Travis “You talkin’ to me?” Bickle but also those Tarantino hit-men and hamburger philosophers Jules and Vincent.

Here’s hoping that a royale with cheese is packaged with each Pulp figure.

[photo coming soon]

Monday, January 1, 2001

Toyfare Magazine - Chips are Down

In just a short time, toys have come quite a long way. Just three or four years ago, no one was learning Furbish or raising electronic ferrets and robotic puppies. Your Han Solo figure couldn’t even talk, and Interactive Yoda wasn’t around to criticize your Force-manipulating abilities.

But those days have passed, and new toy technology has your favorite wrestling toys trash talkin’ just like on TV. Little plastic Darth Maul can now utter his only two lines from Episode 1 while conversing with the equally evil Darth Sidious. Just stroll through any aisle in the toy store and it’s impossible to escape the horde of motion-sensitive, sound-activated, interactive toys. And it’s thanks to the microchip that our toys are now so much more advanced than the motionless stuffed animals and speech-deprived action figures of the not-so-distant past.

The toy industry is far from the only one relying on microchip technology for its products. With everything from hand-held computers to the ubiquitous cell phone and kitchen appliances relying upon this new technology, the all-important microchips are currently in short supply. So what does that mean for toy collectors? Will the toy industry be compelled to stop making nifty interactive toys and bring us back to the Dark Ages of silent, dull and immobile products? Will the new age of technologically enhanced toys come to a premature end before ever reaching its zenith? And, perhaps most importantly, will there be enough PlayStation 2 consoles to go around after its long-awaited US release in October?

The shortage will probably not mean the end of the electronic toy renaissance, but it could very well sideline the new technology for the near future. For instance, Mattel, Inc. typically orders microchips 30 to 45 days early for its products, but with the chip manufacturers unable to ship on time, Mattel faces production chaos. “We calculate on a specific timeline,” Mattel’s spokeswoman Lisa Marie Bongiovanni said, “and all of a sudden it’s doubled. How do you fit that into your production schedule?” Mattel’s preschool and infant toy departments were most affected by the shortage, and Mattel stands to lose a whopping $100 million in holiday sales.

Mattel is not the only company feeling the pinch of the chip shortage. Hasbro’s Interactive Yoda Furby was postponed for several months because of it, and it may also delay several new products in the second half of the year. Sony will only be able to ship 500,000 PlayStation 2 units this October, far less than initially planned for the eagerly anticipated smorgasbord of technology, with its all-in-one game console, CD/DVD player, and Internet provider. Another video game maker, Radica Games, Ltd. announced that their shipments would be also be jeopardized by the shortage.

Playmates, the creator of the Simpsons figures and other microchip-enhanced dolls, has cut down on the quantities of some of their upcoming products, like figures from this December’s Jim Carrey/Dr. Seuss flick, The Grinch.
“Some of our Grinch items we produced less of than we would have liked,” said Playmates’ Jeff Trojan. “But a delay just means you can make less of [the toys] than you want this year before the holidays. You don’t delay everything until the spring, you just have to make a choice of whether you want to get it out or not.” Playmates had already ordered most of the chips they needed after the Amazing Babies line received positive fan reaction from the Toy Fair.

So while larger companies have had to delay products or ship fewer than was originally anticipated, toy companies are fortunately still managing to survive the shortage. And while an Associated Press report noted that the chip shortage would delay JAKKS Pacific’s Real Sound Arena, the California-based manufacturer claims it will still be able to layeth the smackdown. “We really planned ahead, so we didn’t see any effect from [the chip shortage],” reported JAKKS Pacific’s Jenna Goldberg.While JAKKS may currently be unaffected by the shortage, delays and limited quantities could plague the toy industry for the next year and a half. “Things are tight,” Trojan confirmed. “If there’s one hot electronic toy that sells out, that’s probably where it affects you.”But don’t despair just yet, toy fans. This latest shortage doesn’t signal the death knell of toy technology; fans may just have a harder time finding that hot new interactive toy for a while. Just make sure you ordered that PlayStation 2 in advance.

[photo coming soon]